With foreign tensions at an all time high, the department of transportation in cooperation with the energy department have come up with a vehicle that bypasses gas and instead runs on gold. The car, somewhat bigger than a smart car, comes with a standard V6, anti-lock brakes and accepts liquid and solid gold.

The three options will include 14 karat, 18 karat, and 24 karat ranging from $1,400 to $3,400 an ounce. At 32 miles to the ounce, Earth activists are applauding its conservation of fossil fuels. "We were going through a million gallons of oil a day. Now [with gold] you'd be lucky if you used more than a pound a year."


But the new move does not come without its detractors. Skeptics site the need for a 12 karat option. "I mean, sometimes I don't want to spend $700 to drive to the grocery store. With the 12 karat option, I'd save around $100 on that trip." But mostly people are overjoyed at the prospect of cutting financial ties with the Middle East. John Brown, local resident in Atlanta, exclaimed, "Finally, no more sucking on the foreign tit for fuel!"