tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89924419144975873952024-03-12T22:15:29.913-07:00Rosenduderosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.comBlogger134125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-45963516993969556522019-09-19T12:15:00.000-07:002019-09-19T18:10:12.489-07:00DEMOCRATS & GANG BANGER’S AGREE ON GUN CONTROL<br />
<a href="https://rosendude.blogspot.com/2019/09/democrats-gang-bangers-agree-on-gun.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="https://rosendude.blogspot.com/2019/09/democrats-gang-bangers-agree-on-gun.html" border="0" data-original-height="407" data-original-width="620" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiEh19_nkPm-OGBHrezBbC0qg7Bq7M1uAKgvbqn6nQsaXAN_nYf2ilaouHcAy51gBY5lks1dYjupPWd89NQpge9-x9SGR4PYP3IJHebb24jBRq1e7PC1t-f-brrFLZdmnL_3N1ACtSMhw/s200/gang.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
around the nation, democrats and gang bangers are calling for guns to be taken
out of law abiding citizen’s hands. “The second amendment is outdated,” Amy
Barrow, longtime democrat shouted during a rally. Knife, 5-year gang member, echoed
a similar sentiment. “I’m sick of these gun-toting Republicans. How many of my
brothers gotta get shot breaking into their homes?!” </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Mass
murder is a nation-wide problem that needs to be analyzed and addressed,” a TV
pundit for CNN said during her heartfelt broadcast. When notified that the
majority of mass shooters (shooting 4 or more people) in 2019 were gang
affiliated, the TV pundit launched into a diatribe about how the first
amendment is an excuse for hate speech and that some stat’s support a hateful
agenda. <br />
<br />
A local news reporter attempted to ask Joe Biden, presidential democratic
hopeful, his take on the matter, but he got too close and was almost shot by
Biden’s security staff. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A
British telegram that’s been heavily censored from the history books surfaced
recently that has put Democrats and Gang Bangers alike at ease “Trust your
government, trust we know what’s good for you, and let us have the guns. What’s
the worst that could happen?” –Unknown English monarch to George Washington in
1775. </span></div>
rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-11638943812766989622018-04-23T08:18:00.000-07:002018-04-23T08:20:04.572-07:00God makes exception for George Michael<br />
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<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2018/04/god-makes-exception-for-george-michael.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2018/04/god-makes-exception-for-george-michael.html" border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1440" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg46kgFxarKoks6ke_FNtQVbu1W_DyH1TLGfXzZexunI_LiTqMG7LpAMoI03TVvwM8tq-qd_tFSX705fynvsl1Yv4seJi76haS8O4FGFzOD1TB9SGNiaUpVZNRWGA6sGhfwfH48OyG85KI/s200/George+Michael.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Despite being a known atheist, homosexual and sexual degenerate, God announced Monday that He will be allowing the former WHAM lead singer to enter the pearly gates. "Wake me up before you go, go is a classic," the all-knowing, all-powerful deity said to the saints. "But it's even better live."<br />
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God then handed this message down to the Pope. "The secret to getting into heaven is your belief in Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And while George did not make any overt references to the bible, and wore a cross ironically, he did make a catchy tune called Faith."<br />
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Rumors that George Michael will be released from the all-consuming pain that surrounds him every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in hell, began when God mentioned to Moses how George could have pumped out at least another 1-2 albums had he not gotten off track getting caught masturbating at the movie theater. "I am all-seeing God and even I had to look away. But now he will be ready to crank out some pop hits combined with a steller choreographical interpretation. "Pain is really good to get the creative juices flowing you know." rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-63871729896472810812017-07-12T11:14:00.000-07:002016-10-26T16:03:32.701-07:00Stripper gets tetanus after twirling on rusty pole<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2013/07/stripper-gets-tetanus-after-twirling-on.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitd5TNjOhUVT3sElgWlMKT1M9R70_BaO2kQAvYrkgXuunQHQf0QTRZyuGLq36F32bx8SJ3gBXunTHp4m7yPNLrvDCvGCZMEu5fcGeX99FXmYBFtL3Ud8XmPrOSpst0Q_uLN6z4ZBUlo6sI/s320/pic1_399.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
"How am I gonna make rent now when I can't dance <i>and</i> have lock jaw?"<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-53333428129240364132017-04-30T23:59:00.000-07:002016-10-26T16:03:56.788-07:00Crack-head mom worried about her pot-head son<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2012/07/crack-head-mom-worried-about-her-pot.html"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TzMf6Hr_pSl650TYp0unHlITzMFXJJqd89UlSdswqjKgirQdl-0zPaq93-riy_kc8KWRm-BfdWhrHe9viK_s0OTj11A81JW48rb9HCyLzVlETfX8Spl_-xH4RAJH4YEJALvgjUuZTZ3N/s200/crackhead.jpg" width="153" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-12710262407183016352017-03-06T15:08:00.000-08:002016-10-26T16:04:54.705-07:00Fair-weather Fans Gear up to become Fair-Weather Voters<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2016/03/fair-weather-fans-gear-up-to-be-fair.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8b0bI4YZ_Oj6BGUy2-dcD5JBGYxsSwJK3UyL6t_eBYjroF0sb-xudNod3aZn-zTUbxoHarkg-mIaO3bd9bz-CAb3QDBjaXfOMSW6weDzcakLsT-qMbxZd-5A7_MOD7fi_AuyZFisOAuc/s200/fan.jpg" width="200" /></a>
Thirty days after an exciting battle between two largely forgotten teams, super bowl fans turn their fleeting attention toward the presidential election. “When football season ended, I didn’t know where to turn. Basketball’s too black and baseball doesn’t start for a few months. Then I saw Trump say he was gonna put up a wall and I was like, “Dang, I can get behind this, least for a few months.” A Carolina Panthers fan expressed a similarly prejudiced yet opposing view. “I was so bummed they [Panthers] lost after learning right before the game that their quarterback’s black, but then I found out Hillary’s running and now I can channel my support for minorities toward voting in a woman, unless a Hispanic steps in and runs.”<br />
<br />
Political Science professor, Marvin Atworth, weighed in on their positions. “While lacking any discernable understanding of a candidates’ platform would monumentally increase the amount of times a voter flip flops, in this instance their bigotry ironically serves to anchor their view and make their vote quite predictable. <br />
<br />
However, not every voter was steadfast in their ignorance. Luke Wormer, long-time face painter and first time voter, has gone back and forth with his choice several times in the last week. “When I saw this meme about Bernie Sanders, I knew I couldn’t vote for him, but then I saw a meme about Hillary, and now I’m torn. Do I vote for the socialist or the corporate-owned politician?” When told that his face paint was not in fact those of the Democratic party Luke replied, “Fuck! It took me 5 hours to put this shit on! (pause). Guess I’ll just vote Republican.” <br />
<br />
One thing all voters have in common is that neither candidate serves their interests. This, however, has done nothing to stop people from catching voter fever and getting into screaming matches with family, deleting long-time friends off of facebook, and echoing sound bites carefully crafted by each respective candidate’s writing team. <br />
<br />
While other options exist, such as voting libertarian or writing in Mickey Mouse, the majority of voters steer clear of the unknown. “Basically, for me, it boils down to the candidate’s character. That’s why I vote against the person with the most negative campaign commercials.”<br />
<br />
Still others avoid the process entirely, citing an IT confession over <a href="http://thefreethoughtproject.com/watch-computer-programmer-testifies-oath-coded-computers-rig-elections/"><span style="color: red;">vote tampering</span></a>. However, a higher-up governmental official disagreed, saying, "This is what we do as Americans. We vote. As patriots, it's our job to give meaning to a meaningless process." <br />
<br />
Though the impact of the election will have far-reaching, lifelong consequences, fair-weather voters will shortly thereafter focus on an even more pressing patriot issue, whether Tom Brady will earn another super-bowl ring.rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-37991546013348248372017-02-28T17:02:00.000-08:002017-02-28T18:52:57.166-08:00"I support the transgender movement," says man who desperately has to shit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2017/02/i-support-transgender-movement-says-man.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7d8-Cenl2Tfov7jkVse87-XfjRF3x_c-PBgNV-7UmG1FT-m-gKrWosoPGm524rN_9SdE9bxuUBwtQXj52O8FiK1hxCqkvy9hhNonVMgAQlrTtz3yTlzFLVmXgMrLrJzlzkcNmxTOABes/s200/Man-on-Toilet-in-Bathroom-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
"And for the next 5 minutes I identify as a woman," he said before bypassing the occupied men's toilet and entering the women's. rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-6755893924081475602017-02-25T10:52:00.001-08:002017-02-25T10:53:47.024-08:00Due to cutbacks, NASA now offering domestic flights<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2017/02/due-to-cutbacks-nasa-now-offering.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK3qePuIZnKBsRxJPhSp0xMHKn6eaof9DJ0A0QZoL8PT5UgtI7HL4zE-aydeiowAaBUX10wAVhqLNCtWJUw6wuD9VOspEzBBJfMPckfMly5LSouQzSUwgblSeXJBENeeB6aw7pzPQwvuM/s1600/cat.jpg" /></a></div>
In a desperate bid to reclaim recent cuts to the space program, NASA, once-renowned space exploration agency, will now offer domestic flights from many major cities and Puerto Rico. "We saw the writing on the wall." NASA PR spokesman, Amy Babble continued, "and it said, no one gives a shit." So here we are.<br />
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Flights will be significantly faster than any other airliner in the world. "We can get you from LA to Atlanta in 8 minutes." However, there are drawbacks as hedge fund manager, Ernie Willis found out. "Yeah, 8 minutes, with a 4 day layover in Phoenix." As a result, NASA has rebranded their slogan to stand for Nonstop At Some Airports.<br />
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Another drawback is the price, starting at $10,000 a ticket non-refundable, or $10,030 if refundable. "But," PR spokesman, Babble, reminded customers, "You can check in up to three bags, no charge." If you can stomach the price and potential layover, another hurdle is the potential risk of the rocket blowing up in the first 100 meters. "But," Babble chimed in, "if they make it past that, it is almost statistically impossible that the rocket would break apart."<br />
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"We're trying to recapture the imagination of the American people and make some pocket change at the same time." Astronauts were not happy to learn they've been reassigned. "I spent 12 years of my life dedicating myself to physics, engineering and not throwing up at Mach 10, now those skills translate to handing out peanuts to rich assholes?!" "There will also be pretzels for people with nut allergies," Babble retorted.<br />
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Since there's no union to protect the astronauts, they have collectively agreed that if forced to work as "air waitresses" they will expose that the entire first moon landing was staged by Stanley Kubrick and that extra terrestrials and routinely edited out of satellite feeds.<br />
<br />
As of press time, the entire flight crew has been replaced by a cat.<br />
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<br />rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-29373293536295666222016-04-03T11:55:00.000-07:002016-04-03T13:25:42.764-07:00BREAKING: Stars don't actually use the products they advertise!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2016/04/breaking-stars-dont-actually-use.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUUIC5b_smKM6Rd_ilmUaJ6hhq_fZKQPBEl5AXT6E2SBmp1_8GZ7b1o3BPxHKNtxJaX8evoEvyJUCUX90NhgXq-8KmWuTvIZ41jZ2vl5qrrJ0pB4vPfNSERQmH7DMXQykNGFiBQZ9tf2A/s200/sell+out.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
In a shocking revelation, it turns out trusted and beloved actors across the board don't actually consume the products they pedal. Hair stylist Manny Angelo, who's been cutting Sofia Verdago's hair for four years said, "Bitch please, Sophia couldn't pick Head and Shoulders out of a lineup if it included three rapists, two pedophiles and one bottle of shampoo." Jennifer Aniston reportedly fired her latest assistant for giving her a bottle of Aveeno when she asked for moisturizer. Aniston was later overheard saying, "I would rather have Ralph [an overweight crew member] jizz on my face than rub that shit on my cheeks."<br />
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In a similar notion, Samuel L. Jackson reportedly cannot get approved for a Capitol One credit card, prompting him to star in one of their commercials. Financial Analyst Jim Mercer weighed in on the recent trend of selling out. "Celebrity status does not come without it's price. And while most can afford the Malibu beach house and champagne VIP section, it is not a sustainable lifestyle. That or they simply enjoy being corporate shills." Social Scientist, Adam Barstein added, "Look at Selma Hyack. She's worth millions, yet she married an old, saggy billionaire, thus confirming that for some, gold digging is engrained in their DNA."<br />
<br />
Worse still are the many upcoming actors looking for their big break, but cannot even find opportunity in the commercial industry. Scott Rosenfeld, who's had roles such as Guy#3 in He's Just Not That Into You and a small recurring role in an Amazon pilot alongside Christina Ricci had this to say. "I'm in the room practicing my lines for a car commercial, and I look over and hear, "Alright, alright, alright. You here for the Lincoln audition too?" "Are you freaking kidding me," a dejected Scott said before wiping his ass with the script and then brushing it under Matthew McConaughey's nose before storming out.rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-18526056952998355492016-03-14T14:09:00.001-07:002016-03-14T14:11:40.506-07:00Hipster's ironic look ironically can't get him laid<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2016/03/hipsters-ironic-look-ironically-cant.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQA34SkfGkjhD2VP-zzCITyo6ABWYc8SbDvwVI-32vbpry96BF8XPFfDJhEQWLxgnLcseDsN2nBer4TSvwuyReOsQca10LrrdPXKILK565XRkDKpeiR5en58d9bFW5lkXD_dfO4-3JzC4/s200/beardhipster.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Hipster Tate Dunbag had a terrible date last night, making this the 15th one in a row and prompting him to ask the eternal question, "It's not me right? It's totally them."<br />
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Sources close to Tate interviewed his latest "victim" to find out what went wrong. "I liked his beard," Samantha Adams said. "So I brought up camping to which he replied, "Never been, never want to." "Ohhhkay," continued Tammy. "To break up the awkward moment, I asked him what book he read last since he was wearing thick, black-framed glasses." "Oh," replied Tate. "Books are so last century."<br />
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"It was confusing," said Samantha. "In the 45 minutes I was with him, he didn't divulge one personal thing about himself. "Well, yeah I did," responded Tate. "It's easy if you use process of elimination. All you have to do is subtract everything I mocked." Added Samantha, "The guy's like a padded bra, he looks like he had so much more underneath."<br />
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Psychologist Adam Levy weighed in on the situation. "Teen angst is a common term for a period whereby the child responds favorably to reverse psychology. Meaning, he doesn't do things he likes, he does things that go against what you like. This usually wains by high school. In 25 year-old Tate's situation, he's in a state known as arrested development- a funny TV show, but a sad, meaningless way of living."<br />
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Overall, Tate surfaced from the date confident it was not his fault. "She didn't get me, plain and simple. In fact, the only thing she did get was that since I ride an eco-friendly mode of transportation [a bicycle], that I live at home with my parents and I'm broke."<br />
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<br />rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-50609940195231241692015-07-16T12:18:00.001-07:002015-07-16T12:25:17.860-07:00JESUS RETURNS but has terrible time getting the word out<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2015/07/jesus-returns-but-has-terrible-time.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqy47Gjwtc52YXg50xulWrEWrVmNV6IfNJQxUTi8dViqMQkphW97zOpG1OaNUk0_dxLeqto5hc5c874GD7CZME9t5uQgf7-Ypss-kdgCnnUHpok0GfiQh06T0R5RE5oGZxuvXMcr2HiM/s1600/jesus.jpg" /></a></div>
Jesus, lord and savior, is reportedly being censored at every turn via the internet. "First I tried registering on Facebook, but someone had already taken my name. In fact, ten thousand." A facebook administrator responded, "We allow celebrities to register, but they need ID. And sending a low-resolution Vine of turning water into wine doesn't cut it."<br />
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Jesus continued, "Who's gonna follow Jesus_12344, a number which has no significance! So I begin sending messages to the people until I find out they're being sent to their 'other folder' which is a polite way of saying they have taken the word of the lord and rerouted it to spam. Oh, but I can pay to have the message delivered to their inbox. So <i>I'm</i> supposed to shell out money to invite people to a blissful after life?<br />
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So I get a reddit account. Within 12 minutes I was banned.<br />
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Then I make a video and post it to youtube and link it under another video, but get no replies. So I log out and check the video again. Guess why no responses? I'd been <i>shadow banned. </i>What!?"<br />
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Then I get on twitter. Talk about embarrassing. 2,000 years ago I had 12 followers. After five days using every hashtag imaginable, I was up to eight. EIGHT! Then I get an email saying I can get 100 thousand followers for $500. Are you freaking kidding me?!"<br />
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So I go to meetup.com to form a group. Guess what? I get an email saying my meet up was "not approved" with a list of their guidelines. So I reply asking specifically why, and I get a bounce back saying that my email was sent to an unrepliable address. That's when I decided, fuck it."<br />
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As of press time, Jesus was spotted in Santa Monica talking to homeless people in a park before being escorted off the premises by the police.<br />
<br />rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-51501730440439382802015-06-22T13:14:00.002-07:002015-10-27T11:11:22.505-07:00Swing Set Ban to Take Effect Next Month<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2015/06/swing-set-ban-to-take-effect-next-month.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1mZ4OTEOkGDhMqVL8YkOLAxuBmt3nUkBxr1RtZ7fDi4YeAW7_-oOoZWfNlZbQG3J_TrVbDMB1KTpuLzdzy8Og47uwGzQn06HUsdEz0VaZuk3yEMJhyphenhyphenB9biNyAMbRXF8oaKgAWVAD46BY/s200/angry-kids.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
In what safety activists are calling "the gateway drug," swing sets, or "satan's playground" as it's being termed, are set to be stricken from all elementary and middle schools in the upcoming month. "It's high time we took a stand against encouraging the sort of risky behavior that, once kids get a taste of, they will be searching for the rest of their life. You think hookers started off sucking off middle schoolers? No, they started on the monkey bars and graduated to the highs of the swings, culminating a decade later with unprotected anal sex behind a dumpster.<br />
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"This is horse shit!" said Tommy Duncan, 4th grade class president, a sentiment echoed by dozens of other students. "You expect me to jump rope with the girls? While you're at it, why don't you just cut off my dick?" Said 8 year old Billy Thomas. "If I'm going to spend a lifetime of 8-4pm Monday through Friday bullshit the rest of my life, the least you could do is give me my goddamn high." Said 6 year old Andrew Baker, who prefers to wind up the swing and then spin until throwing up.<br />
<br />
As of press time, parents of the children have glossed over the swing-set debate and instead want diving boards back in public pools. "We simply can't afford to give these worker bees a taste of the wild side." Said Secretary of Labor, Thomas Perez. "Who in their right mind would choose to return to back-breaking pointless labor when they discover there's a whole new side to life?" continued Perez, while smoking a cuban and guzzling scotch. "Out of site, out of mind is how we operate here. It worked to build the pyramids and it'll work to build our infrastructure." When asked how long the government could keep up the charade, Perez responded, "Hopefully, until we can build enough robots." rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-39595672056236727322015-06-22T11:55:00.002-07:002018-04-29T13:48:50.952-07:00THROW BACK ARTICLE: Jan. 1792- Guillotine Inventor Cannot Believe What His Invention's being Used for<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2015/06/throw-back-article-january-1792.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0r1Be51cQGi8Vj-4vxqPMWTq7DYpVdEq1F8lQGTXdt5WblSqSQloz5dFPNbL3qMRilqpzwBz2nXn_qGPJYmQI5DkdGbR_IqYoF8qjWJL3bYyVZS2T-BVVg9Dah6EI3UveTcqyyz7JWVA/s200/guillotine.jpg" width="149" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">What began as an efficient way to cut pumpkins has turned
into a national nightmare. “I’m sorry,” said Sir Brecobi Guillotine, inventor of the horrific
killing machine. “I really thought the Guillotine would be a neat way to hack off stubborn
pumpkin vines.” Arch-bishop Zackarius Promethius said from the start
the idea was to chop off heads. “Of course we didn’t tell the inventors. We went
with pumpkins since the stalk’s strength is comparable to a human neck, however
we were worried about the girth.” Fortunately, Brecobi used a blade that could
chop even the fattest of necks.” Replied Brecobi, “I thought maybe we could expand my invention
to include slicing watermelon. Can we at least rename it?” As of press time, a weary-eyed Brecobi is working on The Brecobi which is a
guillotine that can be simultaneously operated by the user.</span></div>
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rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-63336882318944128012014-07-15T17:40:00.000-07:002015-04-22T20:54:34.664-07:00Playing fetch triggers dog to ponder fruitlessness of life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2012/07/playing-fetch-triggers-dog-to-ponder.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPbnNNqIQKCbCkSgNp9vDzXNwt9SVvZhX_Ru4OUVSpQQRDXeDXwC5AUHmwO3RWhlEDgMb8h7qKWQHywnsD8e5PXFyffiI9CCw4CEqtWQE2PSsYYnjKZ2UCmDfadorFjzp4VPDBpOuD0FHy/s200/a_golden_retriever.jpg" height="200" width="177" /></a></div>
<h3>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Rufus, a 4 year-old Golden Retriever, was chasing a Penn 1 tennis ball when he was struck with an epiphany. "The construct to which I have acclimated to and even tied my self esteem into is nothing more than a repetitive task that has as much impact on humanity as a sandcastle at high tide," Rufus said while licking his butt. </span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">“I wish I could back to a simpler time,” the 4 year-old said, “back eighteen months ago when I was a teenager. Back before my delusions of grandeur were shattered by the realization that no matter how much or how fast I performed my menial chore, I would never achieve the heights of recognition my efforts warranted." Rufus then spent the next five minutes angrily chasing his tail around in a circle.</span></h3>
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</h3>
<h3>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Further confounding the his sense of accomplishment was that around others Mark, his owner, would take credit for his success. Added Rufus, “What a douche.” <span style="background-color: white;">Continued the dog, "How many times must I achieve my goal only to have it ripped from my clutches?" This game, as it were, parallels life in both form and function." Rufus said before throwing up and then eating it.<br /> <o:p></o:p></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">The recent awareness is believed to be the result of Rufus getting taken off of anti-depressants. “It’s like the veil of control you perceived as having gets lifted to reveal that you’re nothing more than a dandelion spore in an upwind, drifting with neither direction nor purpose,” Rufus said while eating a piece of shit. “Stop it, stupid,” added Mark, before yanking him away from the feces. </span></h3>
<h3>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-55659304578580268362014-07-07T13:11:00.000-07:002015-01-27T00:59:48.852-08:00Upcoming Internet Porn Removal Sparks Revolution<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2013/07/upcoming-internet-porn-removal-sparks.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0gj3gVPW1Xu0JFD7vM4uN3C7dA59b0BuxSDqDgcYBYvVjkprPwaDas2H6BdxPM8vjAKyeqltmUyJZ9cM85_yD7dXa8vTkEBqqy-ThP6Lbg_stpjnDJH0Fad8wghxPZn9Ziz6yfCSmMMR3/s200/man+in+computer.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">Shockwaves were sent through cyberspace Friday morning when, under the guise of a new bill entitled, Internet Children's Protection Act (ICPA), any and all porn is set to be stricken from the web in the upcoming month. </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Said Atlanta Attorney, Roger Waverly, "I work 60 hours a week to pay a mortgage I can barely afford to support a wife I truly hate. Now you're telling me THAT is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? Screw that!" This sentiment was echoed by the nation's single population as well. "Look," unemployed local man Jerry Pursay said, "Every day I'm on the internet fighting for our civil liberties, but I can only sign so many petitions before I have to take a break. I have come to realize all my fighting was for the breaks. </span></h4>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">Though turning 95% of the American population into debt slaves, eroding civil liberties, expanding surveillance and draining what's left of the economy through unnecessary wars, nothing has stirred the people to the point of actually doing something like the ICPA bill. Said historian Robert Aims, "There hasn't been so much outward cry and blind rage since the bombing of Pearl Harbor." Amidst this crisis of "epic proportions," there has been one positive effect. Apparently people are actually learning how to be a part of the democratic process. Said local boob, Jim Preston, "I found out who my congressman is, signed a petition and everything. Hell, I may even vote in the next election to replace him if he doesn't return porn."</span></h4>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">While the bill will most likely be defeated before it hits the floor, government officials will most likely repackage the bill and try to get it passed as an anti cyber terrorism bill. "Well," said a Cincinatti local, "If it's for our nation's security, it might be for the best."</span></h4>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-65342238147260104992014-01-24T17:27:00.000-08:002015-04-22T20:53:59.362-07:00Coca Cola losing touch with their once most-loyal customers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2015/01/coca-cola-losing-touch-with-their-once.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCqkDFqH63WKZHvnIdqJgfmoiox6FTOqEYr4iOZZsxVr9Yuiy4zSsth8egk-vpYf0Cm2leT7jzVWdzzeBQTLYtU0JQj6sIQ2A8FyOn4lBXVj1M1QZKz7P1ApU0vbOU7Xrhjz7lOhyphenhyphenNbwA/s1600/coke.jpg" height="144" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Coca Cola execs are scratching their heads today after a focus group showed cocaine users have lost the taste for their once beloved soft drink. Said Eddie Walls, part of the focus group, "Sugar is terrible for the body, not to mention super addictive. So I don't care how fun-loving their commercials are, I am not getting hooked on that white stuff." He then snorted a line and chased it with Heineken. </span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">"Your body is a temple," said Billy Baxter, another member of the focus group who's been up the last 48 hours on a cocaine binge. The last thing I'm going to do is fill that temple with high-fructose corn syrup. He then did a monster rail and passed out. </span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">While Coca Cola has taken steps to increase its addictiveness, including using food additives such as MSG in a form yet to be banned by the FDA, nothing seems to be improving sales with the demographic. "I don't get it," said marketing exec Milford Bradley. "We've taken all the calories out, lowered the price, even revamped the packaging. What more do these people want?" Replied coke-head Stevie Peppers, "Coke." </span><br />
<br />rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-23704639238202968062013-07-15T17:25:00.000-07:002014-10-16T17:02:45.787-07:00America asks God to step down<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2012/07/america-asks-god-to-step-down.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqzDQsuhAjakCqAqWU00Ex-yUajKQyYMw3Q6LuuNDo1ylvRMHTfGrGcngUbtf5MetBVH4ATZlrCEn6gm9Ee5A0MFv5lbCbw30PvQfSfhIN0ZDipLidjvY7k0MPbbtbxLNXu3GDE-tKj18B/s200/obama.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;">In a surprise move, the </span><st1:country-region style="background-color: white;" w:st="on">US </st1:country-region><span style="background-color: white;">called for God, almighty being, to bring an end as ruler of the universe. I</span><span style="background-color: white;">n a statement, President Obama went on record saying, "It's time for a regime change. This is a dictator of the worst kind, he's been ruling since the beginning of time, has no free elections, and answers to no one. Meanwhile,</span><span style="background-color: white;"> I can't wear a chrome blue tie without having to explain myself." </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;">Concerns over God's tenure arose due to the recent number of people who have been killed under His watch. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Hilary Clinton said, "God has lost the confidence of his people and he should go without further bloodshed and violence. The </span><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">U.S.</st1:place></st1:country-region><span style="background-color: white;"> has always said that the future of the planet should be decided by its people, and they have made themselves clear. They do not want to die, ever."</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="background-color: white;">Clinton's statements come as the U.N. Security Council continued to debate a resolution and potential sanctions against God. Chine, which wields veto power, is reportedly still awaiting instructions from Beijing on how to vote, but whatever they decide America will likely follow, even if it means asking God to continue ruling."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="background-color: white;">We are moving quickly on a series of steps to hold our Lord and savior accountable for His violation of human rights and to mobilize a strong response from the inter nation community," Clinton said. Unfortunately, he does not have an email or physical address to send our letter to." </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="background-color: white;">The group, Doctors without Borders, issued its first report on medical facilities around the world on Saturday. After surveying over three million medical centers, the group said the facilities have, "managed to deal with the numbers of wounded people and medical needs. However, the hospitals have shortages of medical equipment, including dressings for wounds, sutures and anesthesia drugs," the group said. "And this, too, is God's fault." </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><span style="background-color: white;">When asked who will lead when God steps down, America responded, "Gee, we never thought about that. I guess, I guess we will."</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;">Despite criticism of NATO, Albanian President Bamir Topi left no uncertainty about God’s future. “He should leave,” said Topi, signaling to the infinite-year-old dictator that his days are numbered. "Life in Albania is awful, and I hold Him responsible." </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-31752694067538032332013-07-14T18:07:00.000-07:002014-09-21T15:38:45.129-07:00Baseball fans demand players return to Golden Age of steroid use<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2012/07/baseball-fans-demand-players-return-to.html"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWWK6UHb7-XsdPiAK6wpeGHMefIT63kSYNFqp-j8ccYEWID2SEzAllDFm63-LHbr8HtYfu0gSFDqOM1O_SKFrcxwWnlvRx7C8v-r6ywDY9mlTLAj9H6gl9nhuPhQM1VH1pSi_ZxndfMNAa/s200/Barry-Bonds-Steroids-Confession-1674.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Citing abysmal batting averages and lack of the long ball, fans gathered outside MLB commissioner Bud Selig's office earlier this afternoon to express their discontent with the game and an overwhelming desire to once again pump players full of steroids.<br />
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One fan told reporters, "Defense don't win. Offense do. George W. Bush got that, and it's about time Selig did too." Said another fan, "If I wanted to live in a country where the national past time resulted in a 2-1 score, I'd move to Europe and root for some faggy soccer team. But as long as I'm driving a GMC suburban and drinking 48 ounce Big Gulps, I wanna see some fucking home runs!"<br />
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In addition to returning the players to steroids, other suggestions by the crowd to spur on offense include replacing wooden bats with aluminum, making the ball twice the current diameter, and moving the fence in 100 feet. After nailing their demands to the commissioner's door, a riot broke out when a house wife told the crowd, "that's just softball." "FUCK THAT!" one fan said as he doused the hall with gasoline before lighting it.<br />
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Fan approval for steroid use ranged from the uneducated to medical professionals. "I don't see the big deal," Cincinnati fan and illiterate guy, Tom Briggins, said, "I mean, sure, steroids make your head get bigger and your feet grow. Well, I'd love to have bigger feet `cuz it makes people think you got a big dick, and it would too if your balls are shriveled up." Another fan sided with Briggins saying, "Yeah, so you got acne all over your face and neck, nobody cares you're ugly when yer hittin dingers!" Dr. Bernstein, Atlanta Braves fan and Endocrinologist, had a scientific view on the matter. "Side effects of steroids include sexual dysfunction and increased risk for cardiovascular disease. But that's a small price to pay to put a smile on my kid's face. Not to mention I just paid eight dollars for this withered up hotdog." <br />
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While major league officials decide whether to legalize steroids or at the very least, pretend gaining 25 pounds of muscle in your forearms is natural, other measures to increase viewership have already been approved and include locking the team's mascot in a cage with the very animal they represent. While most teams have agreed, some mascots refuse to participate until they're given medical coverage. The Oriole bird of Baltimore went on record saying, "Oriole's are known for pecking a hole in bark, and my suit's made out of rubber." Baxter the Bobcat of Arizona echoed a similar notion, "Dude, I'm gonna get fucking eaten. Just let the freaks have their roids."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-84903422582115195882013-07-04T17:49:00.000-07:002014-10-15T22:57:43.111-07:00Backlash over coat hanger company marketing to pregnant teenagers<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2012/07/backlash-over-coat-hanger-company.html"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf03qlZoeJcrLWXT93KOcZ-QF5wyXNqluIogC3CYB1iOFMhW_PCKGA1ok8ItmhSLuUQ56zm0ucSLoPAwwQ8LsfJffFJbRBfuuBTk_bUzAlB-M2Iqx-_ue95ZBz5MDsf0JPES_abCTRlw9f/s1600/pregnant_teenager.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">Right wing activists are furious at the recent advertising campaign that portrays Hanson Hangers as a great choice for hanging your coat on and as a means of performing self-assisted abortions.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">The catchphrase, “It fits snug in your snatch” has been lambasted by both sides of the political spectrum. “That’s not the idea,” said Dr. Robert Ludlum, Abortion clinic physician. “Abortions require the skill of a trained professional with professional equipment. While a coat hanger could technically do the job, the effectiveness of the tool has nothing to do with how cozy it fits in the vagina.” That notion was echoed by a pro-life rally gathered outside of the Hanson Hanger corporation for hours yesterday chanting, “Not in my cooch!”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">“They should come right out and just say what it’s really for,” said critic Ron Abrams. Other opponents similarly pointed out that Hanson Hangers are not really geared toward being used for clothes. "At $14 a hanger, it’s either a really expensive coat hanger or really cheap abortion.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Teenagers, on the other hand, don’t share the same viewpoint. “It’s not like a bad idea. I mean, I’d rather take one of those morning-after pills for those night-before spills <giggles> okay, I just made that up <laughter>. Anyway, like, it should at least come with instructions.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Pro-choice advocates point out that teenagers don’t have much of a choice. “If you’re a teenager and can’t afford to go to an abortion clinic, do you really want to ask your parents for the money and reveal you’re pregnant?”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">While using Hanson Hangers to abort your baby are still considered a dangerous procedure, most teenagers agree that it still beats having a baby. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-5284588288794203432013-07-02T20:00:00.000-07:002014-10-16T17:22:16.107-07:00Overzealous Lunch Lady pushes for silverware ban<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2013/07/overzealous-lunch-lady-pushes-for.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPEltHTUv4GXTH_OsB96-KuVaA9npI1ZqkplcMFTJRjP5PdlnLbbLqfhcPwT9UNxTl8O5rJPeIflj-xbNXYnC2MQoQk2vP5JjxLPQuZyYCAZUJNeveHzkmCxJGV2NDHh3uySuzD4fVolZQ/s200/lunchlady.jpeg" height="135" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Following 3rd grader Tommy Duncan's trip to the ER after accidentally jabbing himself in the lip with a fork, Lunch Lady and notorious bitch, Martha Ingram, declared an all-out war against silverware at <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Dickinson</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">Elementary School</st1:placetype></st1:place>. “We have to protect these kids, even if it means from themselves.” Responded Bobby Adams, 10, “Uhh... How am I gonna eat this spaghetti?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">While "Silverware Control" was initially thought to apply only to metal forks and knives, it has since been extended to include any and all silverware including plastic. When asked why an outright ban is being politicized as Silverware Control, Alexis, 6, responded, “My tummy huts.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">To garner compliance from the students, posters of propaganda have been hung in the hallways, including a child with a fork through his eyeball and the slogan, <i>Fork You</i>. A rebellious 4<sup>th</sup> grader recently received a week’s detention for scribbling on one, “Fork’s don’t kill people, people kill people.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In another unexpected twist, the menu has changed, but for the worse. Said 5<sup>th</sup> grader Julie Harris “I thought they would give me more finger food like pizza and cookies, but all they give me is soup and chili."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The ban was initially devised by Principal and avid NRA activist, Martin Baxter, who behind closed doors had this to say. “Between you and me, forks are ten times more likely to help keep you alive then to kill or hurt you or someone else, but we need an excuse to take away any defense against us. Truth is, the budget has been cut and pretty soon, the kids are gonna riot when they find out the playground has been sold and converted into a parking lot.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Continued Martin, “But if we keep them starving, they won’t have the energy to fight back. Still, it’s a risk. Due to busing in children from neighboring districts, there’s over 300 students in each grade. That’s 1,500 kids. You couldn’t even fight off ten 6-year olds. Tops, five. But if they’re withered and starving, that’s a completely different story. The ratio’s not in the teacher’s favor so something had to be done to level the playing field. That’s why all the silverware’s in the teacher’s lounge. To control the population”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When asked what he thought about gun control, Martin took a drag of his cigarette, looked the reporter square in the eye and said, “From my cold, dead hands.” </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-33929908768317537252013-07-01T02:14:00.000-07:002014-10-15T23:00:20.537-07:00Nerd cannot believe he is still in the friend zone<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2012/07/nerd-cannot-believe-he-is-still-in.html"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRPQezy0SFfh9jXhFaAUqtl7WGENgTsfZ7nHcP4zSU0V9qiV5z4kGNT-ZuKlbiEVIjf_jRlcpfAC2u0YJaWDnViQpuzUosci3CQdMwK_bH13M6n35rOSUVqCR3esp7H5SuFgh3tECJ9Z7O/s200/before.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large; font-weight: normal;">Despite having a really great personality, self-described `awkward` senior, Norman Pinkowitz, cannot break free of the friend zone with the glamorous and hollow Stephanie Meadows. “I don’t get it,” said a sexually-frustrated Pinkowitz, “I have helped her with her homework, watched her dog when she went to Florida on spring break, and done numerous other chores, yet my best efforts to woo Stephanie have gone unnoticed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">While making no attempt at his outside appearance or hygiene, Pinkowitz believes Meadows lack of attraction towards him is because she hasn’t really gotten to know him. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Meanwhile, she’s dating Tom Adams because I guess he can throw a football farther than anyone else. Yeah, there’s a great reason to like someone.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Pinkowitz has been enamored with Stephanie since freshman year. “Even then she had bouncy hair and perky breasts. But looking past all that, the one thing that always stood out for me is her gleaming complexion."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Though the two have almost nothing in common, Norman holds out hope that they will one day be united. “Hey, opposites attract. She just needs to break out of this superficial phase she’s been going through since the sixth grade.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">When asked if he would consider taking Mary Finkerton, a sweet, good-hearted classmate, to prom, Norman replied, “Uh, yeah, if she lost like thirty pounds.” </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-34868415759399501852013-05-27T09:17:00.000-07:002018-04-29T13:50:24.809-07:00Scientist who gave life to science discovers he reinvented the wheel<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2011/05/scientist-who-gave-life-to-science.html"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOUJg33OwgHZOdauYqy8JtWywN_S9MyblfGLFnsHx5Em4lh5tSVgmE67Ki-mRsad_hEIVKC88duoNtpGQSQv8wGnxKrN55y8m7Df9p-1AmmvppsINcKP39d4dk2pKmuzCvqbp7ENVOiM6r/s200/sad+guy.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">"How could this have happened?” A weary eyed Dr. Price mumbled. “All those nights wasted in a lab when I could’ve been at a bar trying to get laid."<br /> <br />For a while Dr. Price was really excited. “Yeah, it’s totally symmetrical and capable of all kinds of practical applications,” Dr. Price told a group of curious female PhD students. Then the day of the unveiling occurred. “Uh, Nick,” a startled colleague pointed out in front of the entire department. “That’s just a wheel.”<br /> <br />It took Dr. Price a minute to process that what he invented has already been in existence for thousands of years. “I felt sorry for him,” Department head, Bob Odom, later reported. “But what could I say? I mean, it probably could be used to transport beakers and other lab equipment, but then he’d have to make three more.”<br /> <br />When the futility of his quest was fully realized, a frustrated Dr. Price finally spoke. “SHIT, SHIT, DOUBLE SHIT,” he said before a stunned group of colleagues. “14 fucking years down the drain,” he added. Sociologist Bill Hammel assessed the situation. “Dr. Price’s reaction is not unlike other colleagues who were either scooped in their invention or just accidentally reinvented something, like in this case. Frankly, I’m surprised he didn’t hang himself.” Dr. Price was last seen at McHoney’s, a sports bar and grill, ordering a round of tequila shots for himself and three female patrons. </span></h2>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342125939054743052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-38884570018538152032013-02-28T21:31:00.000-08:002014-04-07T21:37:34.828-07:00Closed Circuit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2013/02/closed-circuit.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu5c6AEZRocnicOPvy85eUGKyOFPlk9wJMuFVoIDzTc1ME7EB7PIGWXs7sIk2T2ivseT3Qrxa_nJbsU89-YWKuilPFOiTxZ-7PyNjpuBpaPMU98mjfDIE_TPv5VdUtZmKajbLKXKPWdbQ/s1600/closed_circuit64.jpg" /></a></div>
Here's a movie 'they' don't want you to see. Really. The title is stupid b/c this movie is SO much more than spying on people. It should've been called <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_flag">False Flag</a> b/c this is the theme, and they do a spectacular job of showing a realistic depiction of how one would take place. Though it takes place under the watchful eye of England, the same tactics apply to any gov't hellbent on fulfilling their agenda regardless of how many innocent lives are lost, COUGH, COUGH, <cough><cough>9/11. </cough></cough>rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-40424738435171959682013-02-06T13:07:00.000-08:002014-02-06T13:38:04.943-08:00Cloud Atlas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2013/02/cloud-atlas.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRtQqn0sxo-NmjVXNTFeiyrW08mCrNACcj-in3zMgP7e2n5ZZAtOCvJvKiFYAY9E0P4sjKQkZDTfu4fi_DrHywlnjRF6kAslQ17sJtJoh9QsOqaKkUQiHyLukxXyasXieICkzJ5AKZlLQ/s1600/th.jpg" /></a></div>
Whoa! Not since Clockwork Orange have I seen such a weird movie. But like me, it's weird in a good way. I watched it with 5 other guys. Slowly, but surely, each one gave up. There was a point where the confusion was too much. I stayed the course, and I'm glad I did. Not because it gave me the big payoff, but b/c I discovered the payoff wasn't meant to be understood- kind of like life- whoa right?! I did have to fight off excuses that I heard my friends echo of, "this makes no sense, fuck this." You have to mentally fight off this urge and keep watching, which is easy b/c Halle Barry is hot, Tom Hanks is engaging, and the cinematography is mesmerizing.<br />
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After watching Inception, I felt like the people talking about how deep and meaninful it was were victims of The Emperor's New Clothes. The reason I didn't buy into Inception is b/c, for me, their dream within a dream was just a movie within a movie. Inception didn't feel like something that exists in reality, unless you stretch and extrapolate the ideas to the point of pontificating. Cloud Atlas, on the other hand, transcends being just a movie- it's an allegory about life in a language I couldn't quite grasp, but I'm not insecure about not getting stuff, so I had fun trying. If you have hangups about looking dumb for not understanding something you won't last a half hour. You have to put aside your ego to watch this, don't overthink it too much, and like an epiphany, at one point whatever meaning is waiting for you to discover will precipitate.rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-36795850005411661282013-02-04T14:02:00.000-08:002014-02-06T14:09:48.028-08:00Anchorman 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2013/02/anchorman-2.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSkQh8rK3f3ZZFHeaFEzu_1J8Oiy-jcKCanYAEpU4UjMO2Na9BnnyAnhVa7f3TdVpD6RSWezJYnTuevU9VWBGe7kE2-JP2DxlXypbC2yhWyF6fV6xsGXcxQ0SVBeRId3adDaHbvB_V-wc/s1600/th+(1).jpg" /></a></div>
Lately, I've seen a bunch of heavy handed movies whose message is udder conformist propaganda bullshit! The Intership was a 90 minute Google commercial. The Last Stand was directed, I presume, by the CEO of Chevy's son who just got kicked out of filmschool for reading Robert Rodriguez's book instead of paying attention. But Kickass 2 takes the fucking cake. I get why Jackass has disclaimers not to try this at home, but do we really need this for a bunch of superhero nerds fighting crime? Showing dorks fight crime while telling you to follow the rules and not fight when you see something wrong is the equivalent of smoking a cigarette while telling you not to smoke. Jim Carrey smoked the biggest hypocritical dick in this one. So much that after his gun-toting performance, he went public supporting gun-banning legislature. Good. God. Man. The point is comedies don't need messages. The more you try to make a point, the less option you have to be funny.<br />
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Now, Anchorman 2. It didn't need a message, but it has one, and it's good! And it's funny! I didn't even really care for the first one. I didn't dislike it, but I always felt like it was overhyped. This one is underhyped. Probably b/c mainstream media wouldn't like to push a movie that shows the evolution of the bullshit news that pervades the airwaves today. Best movie, not even comedy, I've seen in well over a year! Sure there are flaws. The fight sequence pissed me off b/c a bunch of stars shoe horned themself in. Will Smith had no place in this movie, Jim Carrey added nothing, but they all had to have their little moments which just pulled the movie down. But it is a testament to the power of this movie that so many stars were clawing to get cameos.rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8992441914497587395.post-78374633532283485082013-01-28T16:08:00.000-08:002015-04-22T20:53:20.471-07:00Smartphone Side Effects Not What We Thought<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2015/01/double-chin-epidemic-in-full-swing.html" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnc6OzemZVbOaCrEyqnmYIKsfgjn4Zqw_dkcpxHD2HF7G3ZjUqYFNOAUaBrUmaFfbaGgmTJ7qCzJuSh0c6Pih9jYgb1nzuBBzNjJfyGuWgLWMnAN1mxnodqEFHlbriuRthOx42Khjl0Dw/s1600/double_chin.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></div>
A shocking article came out today on the effects of the smartphone in New Scientist entitled, Jowel Nation. “On average, Americans stare at
their cell phones for 4 hours a day. That’s a lot of dedication to the double
chin.”<br />
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Results are paying off according to one of the idiots in the study. "We do everything big, said Texan double-chin, nacho-eating, smartphone-staring imbecile whose chin has increased over 200%
in the last 5 years. </div>
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One of the healthier subjects had a different take on the epidemic. "You have to weigh how you look with how you feel. That's why I'd rather get a brain tumor from the phone's radiation than turn into Jabba the Hutt."<br />
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Concluded one of the researchers, “Oddly enough, it appears mindlessly staring at the TV was healthier, not to mention more social than standing right next to someone and staring straight down.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwkYxsWsIuqT7bjzY3QXLDdwCRVv6gsqegGgkHU3Bn5dSkNIkYQjh9wd_LU1lNwcu2-3Lup57RV5hmUd1fNeA-Xw_wK-HnrCMiXNkttdq1v0Ewg3uVVvx25Rv0Q5SzbdU330yJdHAtXm0/s1600/zombie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwkYxsWsIuqT7bjzY3QXLDdwCRVv6gsqegGgkHU3Bn5dSkNIkYQjh9wd_LU1lNwcu2-3Lup57RV5hmUd1fNeA-Xw_wK-HnrCMiXNkttdq1v0Ewg3uVVvx25Rv0Q5SzbdU330yJdHAtXm0/s1600/zombie.jpg" height="200" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"The zombie apocalypse is here, only we didn't anticipate they'd have such thick necks." </td></tr>
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rosendudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12159873483349976783noreply@blogger.com