|27 year old Registered Dietitian|
and Dehydration Diet Advocate
Certified Clinical Nutritionists have moved to have the diet stricken from the American Dietetic Association (ADA). “If it was banned, it’d be a real kick in the pants,” a legal representative for the ADA, Evans Banister, said. “Follow the numbers, they add up fast. Interns are happy because they don’t have to spend so much time monitoring patients. It’s a real boost for the bottom line.” “Please, give me some water,” responded patient Eleanor Degrada, 83.
While the dehydration diet has been phased out due to the backlash in lawsuits, Registered Dietitians continue to espouse the benefits of the fast-but-dangerous fad. “The body is made of 70% water,” Gretchen Aldo, RD, reported. “That means a 200 pound person who successfully completes the dehydration diet can get down to 60 pounds.” “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” said a 5’1, 210lb. mother of four before being strapped down by four orderlies and sedated.
“The key is to not give in to their selfish desires that will only take them away from their goal.” reported Registered Dietitian Angela Abraham. When asked why the 83 year old elderly lady was put on the diet, Evan Banister responded, “There were a number of factors that went into that decision like age, gender and the fact that Eleanor doesn’t have medical insurance.” A subsequent attempt for a response was not possible as three hours later, Ms. Degrada died of dehydration.