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How to win at life (fo real)


https://rosendude.blogspot.com/2019/04/how-to-win-at-life-fo-real.html
Me: I make enough money to do what I want w/ virtually no work. The majority of my time is spent traveling, writing screenplays that I will eventually produce w/ me in em, meeting new people, dating b/w 23-40, reading the bible, shooting guns, playing recreational baseball, softball, tennis, working out, riding motorcycles, scuba diving and snowboarding (depending on the season).  

A winner will always find a way to win, even when they’re losing. Can you risk the failure? Can you handle the loss? IF not, you’ll end up mediocre.

Find the balance of time and money. Too much of one w/o the other is unfulfilling. To get a balance you will have to say no to the good to get to the great. Risk failure. Making money w/o commitment takes initial commitment.

Marry under the eyes of God only, if that. Entering into a contract w/ the gov’t belongs to beta men willing to give away half their assets or atheists since that’s their highest authority.

You want to do good, take care of yourself first. There’s a reason when the airplane goes down, you’re supposed to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping anyone else.

If you don’t have walkaway power, walk away. You can win, but still lose otherwise.

People will make themselves available when they want. If they aren’t, it’s not a mistake. Read the signs and stop wasting time.

Do NOT follow majority rules. They are for losers. The majority of people are losers since in any contest there can only be one winner.

Do NOT squash yourself down to fit into anyone’s box, unless you’re conducting business. You will naturally associate with your kind and the only way to honestly do that is to be honest with your gifts. You are not responsible for how you make other people feel. The weak will be envious, the winners will admire.

Don’t waste your time correcting people or giving advice. People are dumb, not typically b/c they’re IQ is low, but b/c they refuse to listen/learn anything new. This is you exercising your ego.

Connection is the most fulfilling aspect of life. So try to toe the line b/w fear and ego. Both will prevent connection. Online connections are empty calories, they’ll never fill you. Plus do you really want your self esteem tied to fucking “likes” from strangers and “friends” alike?

Stop living your life as an explanation to everyone. Put your fucking phone down and enjoy the show. Life is so much more fun when you look up and really jump in.

When making connections, keep in mind dumber people are fun, smarter people are interesting, few people are both and most people are neither. Avoid the latter.

Self-described victims are cancer. Avoid! Everyone has an excuse, some are valid, but all have expiration dates. Every day you can make choices to move past the past and succeed today. Losers cling to the past, losers talk about the future, winners do today.

Get an accurate assessment of yourself. Bullies were a good measuring tool. The internet is useless. Take an IQ test, ironically online. Compete in anything you enjoy. Learn to lose w/o excuses, learn to win and give due credit. Travel.

Don’t talk about things you don’t know. Learn. Be open-minded, but not so much your brains fall out (not mine). Someone w/ many interests is interesting (again, not mine).

If it’s not too late, avoid tattoos. Avoid committing to anything permanent really. Responsibility is what dims a man’s light. Money can buy your way out of much of this. So don’t commit until you can handle it.

Most people are unattractive, not by genetics, but by time and lack of work ethic. Most everyone looks good if they’re in shape and know how to manage their hair, skin & teeth.

Culture on a mass level is dead and has been replaced with profit. Make your money, find the time and build your own world, don’t worry about what the media is telling you.

Travel. Can’t huh? What’s tying you down? Unfucking tie.

If you’re life doesn’t scare you from time to time, you are not living.

You will die and nothing will matter except the experiences you got, and hopefully you found faith in a higher power so you have somewhere to go for ETERNITY. Enjoy yourself and be grateful for what’s been given to you… LIFE.
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God makes exception for George Michael


http://rosendude.blogspot.com/2018/04/god-makes-exception-for-george-michael.html
Despite being a known atheist, homosexual and sexual degenerate, God announced Monday that He will be allowing the former WHAM lead singer to enter the pearly gates. "Wake me up before you go, go is a classic," the all-knowing, all-powerful deity said to the saints. "But it's even better live."

God then handed this message down to the Pope. "The secret to getting into heaven is your belief in Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And while George did not make any overt references to the bible, and wore a cross ironically, he did make a catchy tune called Faith."

Rumors that George Michael will be released from the all-consuming pain that surrounds him every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in hell, began when God mentioned to Moses how George could have pumped out at least another 1-2 albums had he not gotten off track getting caught masturbating at the movie theater. "I am all-seeing God and even I had to look away. But now he will be ready to crank out some pop hits combined with a steller choreographical interpretation. "Pain is really good to get the creative juices flowing you know."

Stripper gets tetanus after twirling on rusty pole

"How am I gonna make rent now when I can't dance and have lock jaw?"


Crack-head mom worried about her pot-head son





















Fair-weather Fans Gear up to become Fair-Weather Voters

Thirty days after an exciting battle between two largely forgotten teams, super bowl fans turn their fleeting attention toward the presidential election. “When football season ended, I didn’t know where to turn. Basketball’s too black and baseball doesn’t start for a few months. Then I saw Trump say he was gonna put up a wall and I was like, “Dang, I can get behind this, least for a few months.” A Carolina Panthers fan expressed a similarly prejudiced yet opposing view. “I was so bummed they [Panthers] lost after learning right before the game that their quarterback’s black, but then I found out Hillary’s running and now I can channel my support for minorities toward voting in a woman, unless a Hispanic steps in and runs.”

Political Science professor, Marvin Atworth, weighed in on their positions. “While lacking any discernable understanding of a candidates’ platform would monumentally increase the amount of times a voter flip flops, in this instance their bigotry ironically serves to anchor their view and make their vote quite predictable.

However, not every voter was steadfast in their ignorance. Luke Wormer, long-time face painter and first time voter, has gone back and forth with his choice several times in the last week. “When I saw this meme about Bernie Sanders, I knew I couldn’t vote for him, but then I saw a meme about Hillary, and now I’m torn. Do I vote for the socialist or the corporate-owned politician?” When told that his face paint was not in fact those of the Democratic party Luke replied, “Fuck! It took me 5 hours to put this shit on! (pause). Guess I’ll just vote Republican.”

One thing all voters have in common is that neither candidate serves their interests. This, however, has done nothing to stop people from catching voter fever and getting into screaming matches with family, deleting long-time friends off of facebook, and echoing sound bites carefully crafted by each respective candidate’s writing team.

While other options exist, such as voting libertarian or writing in Mickey Mouse, the majority of voters steer clear of the unknown. “Basically, for me, it boils down to the candidate’s character. That’s why I vote against the person with the most negative campaign commercials.”

Still others avoid the process entirely, citing an IT confession over vote tampering. However, a higher-up governmental official disagreed, saying, "This is what we do as Americans. We vote. As patriots, it's our job to give meaning to a meaningless process."

Though the impact of the election will have far-reaching, lifelong consequences, fair-weather voters will shortly thereafter focus on an even more pressing patriot issue, whether Tom Brady will earn another super-bowl ring.

"I support the transgender movement," says man who desperately has to shit

"And for the next 5 minutes I identify as a woman," he said before bypassing the occupied men's toilet and entering the women's.

Due to cutbacks, NASA now offering domestic flights

In a desperate bid to reclaim recent cuts to the space program, NASA, once-renowned space exploration agency, will now offer domestic flights from many major cities and Puerto Rico. "We saw the writing on the wall." NASA PR spokesman, Amy Babble continued, "and it said, no one gives a shit." So here we are.

Flights will be significantly faster than any other airliner in the world. "We can get you from LA to Atlanta in 8 minutes." However, there are drawbacks as hedge fund manager, Ernie Willis found out. "Yeah, 8 minutes, with a 4 day layover in Phoenix." As a result, NASA has rebranded their slogan to stand for Nonstop At Some Airports.

Another drawback is the price, starting at $10,000 a ticket non-refundable, or $10,030 if refundable. "But," PR spokesman, Babble, reminded customers, "You can check in up to three bags, no charge." If you can stomach the price and potential layover, another hurdle is the potential risk of the rocket blowing up in the first 100 meters. "But," Babble chimed in, "if they make it past that, it is almost statistically impossible that the rocket would break apart."

"We're trying to recapture the imagination of the American people and make some pocket change at the same time." Astronauts were not happy to learn they've been reassigned. "I spent 12 years of my life dedicating myself to physics, engineering and not throwing up at Mach 10, now those skills translate to handing out peanuts to rich assholes?!" "There will also be pretzels for people with nut allergies," Babble retorted.

Since there's no union to protect the astronauts, they have collectively agreed that if forced to work as "air waitresses" they will expose that the entire first moon landing was staged by Stanley Kubrick and that extra terrestrials and routinely edited out of satellite feeds.

As of press time, the entire flight crew has been replaced by a cat.



BREAKING: Stars don't actually use the products they advertise!

In a shocking revelation, it turns out trusted and beloved actors across the board don't actually consume the products they pedal. Hair stylist Manny Angelo, who's been cutting Sofia Verdago's hair for four years said, "Bitch please, Sophia couldn't pick Head and Shoulders out of a lineup if it included three rapists, two pedophiles and one bottle of shampoo." Jennifer Aniston reportedly fired her latest assistant for giving her a bottle of Aveeno when she asked for moisturizer. Aniston was later overheard saying, "I would rather have Ralph [an overweight crew member] jizz on my face than rub that shit on my cheeks."

In a similar notion, Samuel L. Jackson reportedly cannot get approved for a Capitol One credit card, prompting him to star in one of their commercials. Financial Analyst Jim Mercer weighed in on the recent trend of selling out. "Celebrity status does not come without it's price. And while most can afford the Malibu beach house and champagne VIP section, it is not a sustainable lifestyle. That or they simply enjoy being corporate shills." Social Scientist, Adam Barstein added, "Look at Selma Hyack. She's worth millions, yet she married an old, saggy billionaire, thus confirming that for some, gold digging is engrained in their DNA."

Worse still are the many upcoming actors looking for their big break, but cannot even find opportunity in the commercial industry. Scott Rosenfeld, who's had roles such as Guy#3 in He's Just Not That Into You and a small recurring role in an Amazon pilot alongside Christina Ricci had this to say. "I'm in the room practicing my lines for a car commercial, and I look over and hear, "Alright, alright, alright. You here for the Lincoln audition too?" "Are you freaking kidding me," a dejected Scott said before wiping his ass with the script and then brushing it under Matthew McConaughey's nose before storming out.