I gotta say, I’m pretty fucking sick and tired of the bad PR
lately. I get it, it’s the age of the nerd. “Yay, look at me, I’m an awkward
fucktard.” You don’t wanna feel ashamed anymore, even though you should, go for
it. But don’t act like the fucking world revolves around you. You're not the fucking son, son. You’re a fucking blip in time.
That leads me to something else I heard recently that really
chapped my lunar ass. “We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky?” Really Rihanna? B/c last time I checked, there’s only one thing in the sky that shines, and
it’s not a fucking diamond you lyrical retard. Seriously, has everyone
forgotten about me? You know for thousands of years, your ancestors worshipped
me? WORSHIPPED. On their fucking knees, praying to me. Why? Because in case you
forgot, I give you fucking life.
Who’s your star now? Kanye? Seriously? That auto-tuned, ass-clown couldn’t sing his way past round one of American Idol. Oh, he’s hot huh? Tops that tool is 102 degrees with a fever. I’m 27 million at my core, bitch! As Snoop would say, “I scratch him off my balls with my solar fucking paws.”
But I gotta say, while ignoring me pisses me off, the latest shit
I’ve been reading takes the fucking cake. What do people think now when they think
of me? Do they think of a star? The center of the universe? The giver of
fucking life short of God? No, fucking skin cancer. It's not my fault you're
weak-ass genes can't produce enough melanin to protect you. Use some sunscreen
you ignorant fuck. Seriously, is that what you’re worried about? B/c last time
I checked, you couldn’t get laid with a tan, let alone that pale-ass complexion
bringing out your pimples.
Am I burnt out? You think I’m not relevant? How bout this? You sit
in the shade talking about an alternative fuel source. Hello, you fucking
hypocrite. I’m a solution to that too!
Sun sets, sun rises, photosynthesis, you know how many times I’ve
gotten people laid and stoned? But does anybody ever take a second to thank me?
No, they thank their medical marijuana card. Now I understand the wrath of God.
So that’s it. A line in the sand. You think global warming's bad? Take me for granted one more day, and the
last thing you’ll see before total darkness is a solar-wind fart that’ll melt
your fucking face.
