Shockwaves were sent through cyberspace Friday morning when, under the guise of a new bill entitled, Internet Children's Protection Act (ICPA), any and all porn is set to be stricken from the web in the upcoming month. 
                                                                   

Said Atlanta Attorney, Roger Waverly, "I work 60 hours a week to pay a mortgage I can barely afford to support a wife I truly hate. Now you're telling me THAT is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? Screw that!" This sentiment was echoed by the nation's single population as well. "Look," unemployed local man Jerry Pursay said, "Every day I'm on the internet fighting for our civil liberties, but I can only sign so many petitions before I have to take a break. I have come to realize all my fighting was for the breaks. 


Though turning 95% of the American population into debt slaves, eroding civil liberties, expanding surveillance and draining what's left of the economy through unnecessary wars, nothing has stirred the people to the point of actually doing something like the ICPA bill. Said historian Robert Aims, "There hasn't been so much outward cry and blind rage since the bombing of Pearl Harbor." Amidst this crisis of "epic proportions," there has been one positive effect. Apparently people are actually learning how to be a part of the democratic process. Said local boob, Jim Preston, "I found out who my congressman is, signed a petition and everything. Hell, I may even vote in the next election to replace him if he doesn't return porn."


While the bill will most likely be defeated before it hits the floor, government officials will most likely repackage the bill and try to get it passed as an anti cyber terrorism bill. "Well," said a Cincinatti local, "If it's for our nation's security, it might be for the best."