What began as an efficient way to cut pumpkins has turned into a national nightmare. “I’m sorry,” said Sir Brecobi Guillotine, inventor of the horrific killing machine. “I really thought the Guillotine would be a neat way to hack off stubborn pumpkin vines.” Arch-bishop Zackarius Promethius said from the start the idea was to chop off heads. “Of course we didn’t tell the inventors. We went with pumpkins since the stalk’s strength is comparable to a human neck, however we were worried about the girth.” Fortunately, Brecobi used a blade that could chop even the fattest of necks.” Replied Brecobi, “I thought maybe we could expand my invention to include slicing watermelon. Can we at least rename it?” As of press time, a weary-eyed Brecobi is working on The Brecobi which is a guillotine that can be simultaneously operated by the user.